Dear SOB -

No one REALLY likes his or her job. If they did, everyone would just volunteer instead of working. And don't give me that laddling out watered down ketchup soup to homeless people on Thanksgiving Day crap - are you going to go walk into Citibank and say, "Hey, Mr. Weill, can I please do a cash forecast for your branches located in Lagos, Nigeria for free?" No. Why? 1) Because work is designed to numb the senses and kill the soul; 2) You know that Sandy Weill would jump at the chance to put a few extra coins in his side pocket; and 3) If you did end up in Lagos, you'd go find that guy who solicited you over the internet for your bank account number.

So, SOB, suck it up and stop being a cry baby. If you really can't stand your position in life, do what all other Americans do: get a nose job, go on a reality TV show, and wait it out until retirement. Assuming Social Security still exists by then. But that's a whole other story.

Thank you for writing.

I was so concerned about what you wrote that I sent something to Biz Markie, because nobody knows the biz like the Biz. I received the following response:

Hi Justin,

So there's that.